Stupid Human News: Man Dines and Dashes… Into Ocean

We’re sorry to even have to tell you this story but we just can’t get over it: an Australian man became the world’s dumbest criminal by dining and dashing into the ocean. Yeah, we don’t know where he was going either.

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Apparently, homeboy Terry Peck (a rapper who performs as 2pec), ordered almost $500 worth of seafood and drinks from a beachside spot called Omeros Bros Seafood Restaurant, which is right on the Brisbane waterfront.

After eating two lobster dishes, 17-21 oyster shooters, a baby octopus, and half a dozen beers, he split as soon as the bill hit the table, running into the water. Obviously, staff called the police, who asked him to voluntarily come back to shore. Of course, he refused, so they forcibly brought him in.

Peck was charged with theft and two counts of assaulting a police officer. In his defense, Peck said that the food was overcooked and ill-prepared and he ran out to “help a friend who was giving birth on the beach.” Yeah, ok.

Is it just us or is Australia trying to give Florida a run for its money in the crazy news department? Florida has been king of “stupid human news” for quite a while. Remember these oldies but goodies: the man who called 911 eight times for Kool-Aid and weed. Or perhaps you’re partial to the woman who assaulted her dad cause he didn’t want to share his potato salad.

Clearly, Australia wants some of that cray cray love too. First there was the incredibly sexist story of the lady in the bucher shop case and now this. Is there something about seaside towns? Does it have to do with the ocean air? That has to be it, right? Our theory is this: you know how swimming makes you really hungry? Well it does. Maybe salt air has the same effect and that mixed with a case of the hangries, makes people incredibly dumb. 

No? Hmm. We’ll have a snack and think of more theories.