3 Most Annoying Things Vegans Say (and 2 Annoying Quips from Carnivores)

So we all have that one friend – the one we love but can’t possible imagine sharing a meal with. Why? It’s tedious. It’s acrimonious. Navigating a menu is like navigating a field of land mines: will this order be the one that destroys the friendship? We’re talking about the vegan-non-vegan relationship. Sure, lots of people with dietary preferences and restrictions get along just fine. And some don’t.

Here’s the thing though: you’ll never get through to each other if you’re not speaking the right language. And when the conversation gets nasty, here’s what you can say instead. [pagebreak]

Meat-Eater to Vegan: “How can you live without steak / bacon / al pastor tacos?”

This is condescending. First, it boils a life choice down to what someone likes to or doesn’t like to eat. We love margaritas but we know it would be irresponsible to imbibe 24/7.

This statement categorially ignores the entire vegan argument. If you want to know if former meat-eaters miss a certain food, feel free to ask in an open-ended and genuinely curious way. “I understand you don’t eat meat or meat products anymore. Was there anything that was hard for you to give up? What did you find you loved instead?”

Vegan to Meat-Eater: “That chicken / pork belly / al pastor taco is disgusting.”

Oh gee, thanks. Many vegans find the sight and smell of meat products unsettling and that’s understandable. But if you’ve made the choice to be friends with non-vegans, consider that you’re entering a social contract that builds off civility and understanding. You have to live in this world together. In the same way you would never knowingly insult a friend, don’t insult their meal.

Also, very few meat-eaters will be moved to engage in a discussion of why they eat meat if you start by first insulting them. Defenses are up and minds are closed. Instead, vegans, be honest. “Honestly, the sight and smell of meat makes me really uncomfortable. Instead of [breakfast/lunch/dinner], can we go for a walk and catch up?” [pagebreak]

Meat-Eater to Vegan: “Fish is vegan right? I can never keep track. There’s a tuna sandwich on the menu.”

You can’t ever keep track of a huge part of your friend’s life? We get it: sometimes it can be challenging to understand what is vegan or gluten-free or soy-free, especially if you’ve never sought those options out for yourself.

But assuming what is and isn’t vegan means making value judgments and then patronizing your friend by picking out a dish you’ve deemed ok to eat. Instead, ask open-ended questions and approach a meal the way you would approach it with a meat-eater: “Hey, I don’t know that much about veganism. What looks good to you?”

Vegan to Meat-Eater: “I can’t eat any of that. I’ll bring a vegan dish.”

Cool. Thanks. That’s informative. Listen, we know that being vegan isn’t restrictive. But a lot of people just aren’t sure what vegans do or don’t eat. Flatly stating you can’t eat something comes across as fussy, saying you’ll bring a vegan dish comes across as “your food sucks” or “you don’t know what I eat and you’ll mess it up.”

Instead, try a different approach: “Oh, no thank you.” And later seek an opportunity to have a dialogue about the vegan diet. Similarly, if you’re invited to a pot luck or dinner, you don’t have to announce the dish is vegan, which can come across as “better than thou.” Just say: “Oh I’d love to come!” Your friend probably knows your vegan, so they assume you’ll bring a vegan dish. Or if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. Vegan food is delicious, it doesn’t need the extra disclaimer. [pagebreak]

Meat-Eater to Vegan: “Oh you’re vegan. I’d thought you’d be skinnier.”

That’s a double whammy of an insult. First, it assumes that veganism is about dieting or fitness. And for some people it is. But veganism is about an individual’s world view, priorities, and beliefs. Secondly, that statement attaches a huge amount of value to physical appearance and brings in topics of body image and worth. So step back. Be clear.

What’s your question and how can you ask that in a gentle way? Are you unsure what the vegan diet consists of so you imagine vegans to gnaw on grass all day? Try: “Hey. I don’t know that many vegans. Can we talk more about what vegans believe and what they eat?”  

Vegan to Meat-Eater: “Meat is murder. Also, cage-free or local farms are total BS.”

Whoa there! Did you just call someone a murderer!? We get that connection may seem clear to vegans, but that language is offensive and violent. And the comment about local farms paints meat-eaters as stupid and lazy.

In the case of meat-eaters who take pride in eating locally (including locally raised meat), it diminishes the work and care they’ve taken to build a diet that works for them. And few people go vegan overnight; maybe these are people’s first steps into the foray of eating better and more purposefully.

We understand: it can be incredibly difficult for vegans who have passionate views to see the situation in any other light. But again, it’s hard to start an open, honest, caring debate if you start from a place of aggression – no matter what you’re eating.