5 Hangover Cures That Don’t Actually Work: A Cinco de Mayo Survival Guide

When you’re hung over, you’ll try almost anything to stop the pounding headache / dry mouth / upset stomach feeling. (Yeah, we’re writing it nicely.) Theres a certain amount of desperation and self hate the morning after an epic night and we’re all susceptible to solutions that seems to good to be true.

Related: These 5 Foods Cure Hangovers Fast

Before you make yourself feel worse though, take a moment to think about what you’re actually doing. Some hangover cures don’t actually work. Here they are. [pagebreak]

Hair of the Dog

We know. We’re disappointed this is more myth than fact too. Waking up and downing a michelada will temporarily make you feel better (maybe how the legend got started) because it dulls your senses. Your body has to purge the toxins and alcohol is a toxin) before it can feel better and this is only postponing that. So stay way.

Drinking Juice or Coffee

Some say that drinking sugar-laden juice will speed up your metabolism and help pump the alcohol out of your body. But you’d have to drink gallons of juice to get the effect, at which point you’d be dealing with an insulin spike and sugar crash. Same deal with coffee. You’d have to drink so much you’d be feeling heart palpitations or worse. You don’t have to stay away from these too, it won’t make you worse like the morning mimosa. But it won’t help. And at least juice has some vitamins. Not so for the coffee. [pagebreak]

An Aspirin Before Bed

Like hair of the dog, taking an aspirin before bed will provide only short term relief, the effects will be gone by the time you wake up. And some pills, especially acetaminophen, are hard on your liver. Not a big deal on a normal basis but a huge deal when your liver is already trying to process that pitcher of margaritas.

A Diner Breakfast

A plate of fried eggs, fried bacon, cheesy homefries and more sounds appetizing the morning after but it won’t help anything. In fact, it will make things worse. We know you’re craving it but a heavy breakfast will make your delicate system work even harder. (And alcohol cuts through grease, so chorizo isn’t doing anything.) So you’ll be hungover and have indigestion. Stay away.

Sleeping In

Staying in bed with a box of pizza and Netflix sounds great (and rest is good for the body) but the hard truth is that moving can help. Exercise releases endorphins and increases circulation, so you’ll have natural painkillers and oxygen to help clear your body.